When I first started writing this column some 15 years ago, one of the media that picked it up was a large, metropolitan newspaper that wanted to keep a “connection” with the farm audience. My column would be the only written article, surrounded by a full page of ads sold to various agricultural businesses (they also wanted to keep the revenue generated by these firms). Since none of the staff had any background or training in agriculture, I would get quite a kick out of reading the classified ads in the farm section that were evidently taken over the phone and written down just as the farmer had spoken them. I even wrote a column during that time pointing out such disastrous ads, such as “Sharolay bull for sale. A 1 breeding for several generations. Was shown at hauled her as a caff.” The same ad in the local farm publication, written and edited by someone familiar with agriculture, stated, “Charolais bull for sale. AI breeding for several generations. Was shown at halter as a calf.” Shortly after my column pointed out the ignorance (and I didn’t intend that in a mean way) of non-farmers trying to communicate with real farmers – they quit running my column!
Fast forward to today.
The “cottage farming” industry has really taken off in my part of the world as hundreds (if not thousands) of well-meaning and intelligent city folks have decided to chuck the rat-race of city life and move to the countryside to raise their own food from both animals and plants. God bless them for their efforts, and their reliance on new forms of advertising. The new classified ads are on the computer screen as they all make use of a website where you can evidently buy and sell anything on the farm. I’ve even used it successfully to market hay this past winter. But… I think I can tell the real farmers from the neophytes from both the spelling and wording of their ads. Since the particular website doesn’t run my column, I feel safe in pointing out some of the ads from rookies that I read just today.
“Pig me goats for sale. Cute, easy to raise, and very profitable for your small acreage.” Obviously, someone new to the country, since I’m pretty sure they wanted to sell pygmy goats. I’m not going to argue their “cuteness,” but they could be called out on the last two statements.
“Wanted to buy. Older Alice Chambers. Needed to farm my vegetables on 20 acres.” I don’t know Ms. Alice Chambers, but 20 acres is a lot of vegetables for an elderly woman to care for. Could they have wanted and older Allis Chalmers TRACTOR?
Some ads contain simple misspelled words. Bootle calves, culvators, and bailors abound in these ads, but they will get no grief from me since I know they have bottle calves, cultivators and hay balers. My spelling isn’t the greatest in the world and I know that some people who use computers don’t use the spell-check. And, even if they did, it would still think a limousin beef cow would be spelled as “limousine,” a big fancy automobile.
One particular one caught my eye today. “For sale – 8’ lengths of lettuce. Last year’s garden failed, so I need to get rid of them.” I had to open the particulars on this one only to surmise that they actually wanted to sell 8’ lengths of “lattice” they had used to grow pole beans.
The one that stated “Looking for a ginny to buy,” made me wonder if they wanted a “jenny” or a “guinea.” I opened it to find that they wanted a ginny to go along with their “peafowl and bantams,” so I’m assuming they wanted a guinea, but on second thought, they may have wanted a jenny to keep the dogs and coyotes out of their flock. I didn’t call, so I’ll never know.
But the best one of the day had to come from either a novice to farming, or an old pro trying to take advantage of the newbies. “For Sale – Beautiful, Sorrel Mule Stallion. Show quality. Sixteen hands tall and powerfully built. Three years old and ready to sire champions! Will sacrifice for $2,000.”
Jerry Crownover farms in Lawrence County. He is a former professor of Agriculture Education at Missouri State University, and is an author and professional speaker. To contact Jerry, go to www.ozarksfn.com and click on ‘Contact Us.’
