Many of the cowboys that I know personally are missing one or more digits on their hands from “accidents” with a rope. Those same heroes are usually missing a few teeth as well, usually from “accidents” involving either a woman… or alcohol… or in one case, both.
Bad backs, bad knees, gray hair, no hair, scars and negative net worth are all proof positive that agriculture is an unforgiving profession… which brings me to Ron.
Ron is a crop and livestock farmer up in the northern part of the state and, even though I’ve known him for 37 years, I don’t know whether his problem was brought about by driving tractors, combines and trucks for his entire life, or countless other hours of sitting on a stool at the local diner every day, but two years ago he developed a rather delicate problem that eventually got so bad that he required surgery early last year. After that surgery, he had to sit on a little, “blow-up” donut for several weeks before he pronounced himself healed of the dreaded problem of hemorrhoids.
Unfortunately, the problem reappeared around Thanksgiving and Ron talked the doctor into performing the second surgery a few days before the end of the year (he had already met the insurance deductible for 2009 and sure didn’t want to waste that money-saving advantage.) I called Ron on New Year’s Day to wish him a happy and prosperous 2010, and to see how he was getting along from his end-of-year ENDectomy.
It seems that Ron had an unusual problem as a result of his surgery. He said that after they returned him to his recovery room, and after he finally came to his senses and was offered some soft food, he began to feel something different in his mouth. Once the food was gone and he found himself with nothing to do but stare at the ceiling of the hospital room, he realized that the “different” feeling he was experiencing in his mouth was actually a chipped front tooth that he kept running his tongue over. He called for the nurse and informed her that somehow, some way, he had chipped a tooth during the procedure.
Her response was, “Hmmm. Are you sure it wasn’t chipped before you came in?”
Ron assured her that he was certain his teeth were in proper working order before he took the induced nap.
“What do you think caused the chip?” I asked.
“Well, Jerry, I’ve been thinking a lot about that since I got home. You know, with all these advancements in modern medicine, if a surgeon wants to repair your heart, he simply runs a tube up your groin all the way to your heart and puts in a stint or repairs some other plumbing problem. If you’ve got an ulcer, they don’t have to cut you open anymore, they can just run a tube down your throat and repair the problem with a camera and a micro soldering tool. And, if you need your gallbladder removed, they can just make a tiny incision and stick a mini vacuum cleaner-type thingy in there and just suck it out and you’re on your way home in a few hours.
So… I’m assuming that this high-tech doctor of mine took care of my hemorrhoid by going in through my mouth. How else can I explain a chipped tooth from an operation on the other end of my body?”
“I don’t know, buddy,” I consoled him, “but it should make you worry about going to a high-tech dentist to get your tooth fixed.”
“Why’s that?” he asked.
“Which end will they go in from?”
Jerry Crownover farms in Lawrence County. He is a former professor of Agriculture Education at Missouri State University, and is an author and professional speaker. To contact Jerry, go to www.ozarksfn.com and click on ‘Contact Us.’
